The Fake Button

The Fake Button.
That's right, I made up a term!  If you're confused right now, let me explain.

So, you're in the car, on your way to church.  You just had an unbelievably difficult morning with your kids.  One didn't get out of bed until you dumped ice water on their face, and one wanted to wear the football jersey that they wore yesterday, and you didn't have a chance to wash it.  So, you've got a sleeper and a stinker.  Now you're driving down the road, listening to the sleeper tell the stinker how they can't breathe because of the smell that is wafting off of the jersey.  Finally, you yell into the back seat and tell them both to shut up.  They don't.  You yell again, this time with an extra four-letter word for emphasis.  Your spouse doesn't like the way you just talked to your precious off-spring, so now you two are fighting.  By the time you pull into the church parking lot, you have a full-on family fight.  It's not pretty.  In fact, it's pretty nasty.  But then, you have to get out of the car, and walk in to church.  You are about go into the lion's den.  The den is your church building.  The lions are all of the perfect little church people with perfect kids waiting to judge you.  What do you do?

THE FAKE BUTTON!

You push that imaginary button, plaster that fake little smile on your face, and walk into church like you have it all together.  You don't have it all together.  You've had a terrible week, and a really terrible morning, but who wants to hear that?  That's not what church is for.   Church is where we act perfect so we don't get shunned.  Where we tell our kids to "be on your best behavior," so our friends won't tell everyone else what's wrong with them.  Where we ask for prayer, but not for real issues.  Just the ones that people can't use against us. Right? 

So, how do we get rid of the "fake button" in our churches?  I think it has to start with us.  What if we start showing unconditional love to our brothers and sisters?  What if we start being honest about our struggles, even though it brings criticism?  What if we refuse to fake anything?  What if we commit to being true to Jesus Christ, and to ourselves, regardless of the consequences?  What if we don't play the church game?  What if we choose to never use other people's struggles against them?  What if we show grace, and refuse to allow our own self-righteousness to dictate our actions?  What if, when we see fault in others, we choose to focus on their strengths, or maybe the pain that is causing the faults in their lives. 

What if we replace the "Fake Button" with the reality of the love of Jesus Christ?
I'm trying to break my fake button.  Care to join me?

Love you guys

Josh 

A Pansy in a Pulpit

Charles Spurgeon said, "I am perhaps vulgar, but it is not intentional, save that I must and will make the people listen. My firm conviction is that we have had quite enough polite preachers, and many require a change. God has owned me among the most degraded and off-casts. Let others serve their class; these are mine, and to them I must keep."

How many men, designed and called by God to speak the truth, have been castrated by the knife of institutionalized Christianity?  How many men have been so intimidated and pacified in a seminary classroom, that they no longer seek to speak the truth plainly as their chief goal in preaching?
    How many men have been lost to the fear of man as a result of listening to the criticism that always flies from the arrogant, pious hypocrits that fill the pews across America?  "You shouldn't say that."  You shouldn't wear that, smoke that, drink that, or believe that."  "You shouldn't let that person in your church."
       I have almost been lost many times.  Many times I have thought long and hard about returning to a quiet life running camps at the YMCA, mowing grass, or just finding something else to do altogether.  Many times I have gotten up from my computer and wondered why people love to hate so much.  Why do people want to see us fail?  Why do people listen to messages on our website, just so they can criticise it to their hundreds of FB friends?  Many times I have considered returning to the preaching style that I was taught growing up in conservative churches.  Many times I have contemplated censoring my messages, dressing more "appropriately," speaking more eloquently, taking out the earrings, covering up the tattoos, not showing so much emotion, and not being angry with the American Church.
        I cannot, and I will not.  I would rather face the hostility, name-calling, dirty looks, emails, FB messages and rumors, than become another pawn in the religious game that most of us are playing.  You can keep your knife for another man, because I will not become a pansy in a pulpit, so afraid to offend someone that he never actually says anything!  I will not ask my staff to dance the dance that brings acceptance in the church in the south.  I will not bow.
   If you don't go to church, or hate what it has become, I invite you to hang out with us at Relevant Truth Church.  We are a church of broken people in love with our awesome Savior, Jesus Christ.  Please wear shorts and a t-shirt, because our facility in unbelievably hot right now.  It's alot of fun though.  Jesus was tortured.  We can handle some sweat.  (Our children's area is air-conditioned :) 
      Please make plans to hang out with us.  We meet in what used to be Zero Gravity Skatepark in Brevard NC @ 6:00 pm/ The address is 920 Old Hendersonville Hwy.
 

The Cost of Vision

Casting vision always comes with a price.  

God has this habit of calling people to do things that are beyond their capablilities, so He can get the glory.  That means, when they begin to share the vision with other people, the chance of people laughing, mocking, and ridiculing that individual is pretty high. 

If you care about public opinion, you will never be used by God.  If you care about popular "church people" opinions, you'll never be used by God.  In my opinion, if you take most people's opinion seriously at all, you're going to spend alot of time wasting your life, and totally miss out on what God is calling you to.

Often, the most dangerous people in the world are people that you think you should listen to.  Family members, in-laws, pastors, teachers, friends etc.  Sometimes these people think that not only should they have the right to spout their opinion of your life all of the time, but that you are obligated to listen and care what they think.

I believe in being teachable.  But here is my practical question.  I have DOZENS of people every week telling me what I should or should not do.  Who should I listen to?  People love to quote "in a multitude of counselors there is safety."  The funny thing is, most people see themselves as qualified to be your counselor.  Who should you stop and listen to?  Who should affect your decisions?  How long should you spend contimplating the opinions of man?

Sometimes I think the best thing you can do is stop listening and just follow Jesus.  Maybe just for a short period of time, drown out the noise.  Listen for the voice of God and then OBEY!  It's going to confuse some people.  It's gonna piss some people off.  You may even get some interesting emails (I always do.)  But at the end of the day, God's voice is the only one that truly matters.  If people aren't pointing you to Jesus, they're just spewing hot air anyways.  You don't have to listen.

God has told Relevant Truth Church to plant RTC locations in big cities all over the US, and then outside our borders.  We are going to leverage technology to reach thousands for Jesus.  I would love for you to be part of the vision that God has given us.  We would love for you to be part of what God has called us to.  If you're not, we love you. 

Just some random thought today.  I love you guys

Josh

  

Adios For Now!

Hey Everybody.

I have been lying here awake for an hour or so.  I wanted to tell you all that I love you guys and I appreciate our "talks." :)

Up to this point I have been led to blog this experience.  I don't anymore.  If that confuses you, I'm sorry.  I think it's gotten a little too "trendy" right now.  I believe that God has shown me that it is time to stop blogging from the circle.  I'm sure I will pick it back up at some point when He brings me out of the circle.  He may lead me to give you guys an update after this coming Sunday, but I'm not sure.  I do know that I do not believe that he is leading me to continue these blog posts right now.  Sometimes I know for sure when He is leading me to do something.  Sometimes I don't.  Right now I'm pretty sure it is from Him :) 

What happens at Relevant Truth Church this Sunday evening will not be the result of hype.  It will not be the result of a blog, or anything else.  God will move this Sunday as only He can.  I will be here praying and asking Him to move.  Please do the same thing. 

I think sometimes when God tells us to do something "weird" or different, sometimes we make more out of the activity than we do our Savior.  I think He told me to do something weird.  I believe that we obeyed.  I believe that my motives were pure and that I obeyed his leading.  However, I believe that there is a temptation to make more out of "the circle" than we do about Jesus.  I believe I see that beginning in our community.  I cannot encourage that and I won't.

I will be happy to talk to you about the power and glory of my Jesus.  I will be happy to tell you about how he honors obedience, even when we don't obey perfectly :)  I would love to talk to you about how much he loves you!  I will not defend the circle, and I will not defend myself.  If I understood it, I would be happy to.
  My Jesus has poured out his financial provision on this church in the past 3 weeks.  He has poured out his spirit in our services in the past 3 weeks.  He has done this all because He is God, and he CHOSE TO!  That's the point of it all.   

I will honor my commitment to stay in this circle until we reach the goal of 150.  I pray it happens soon :)  When it does happen, Jesus will be glorified.

I hope you make plans to experience that with us.  Until then...

I love you,  Jesus loves you

Josh

Hey Everybody! 

I have had several people bring me encouraging books and sermons and stuff.  Up until Sunday, I have not read anything but the Bible, or watched any messages or anything. 

If you have something you think might be encouraging, I am now reading and watching encouraging things in moderation.  If you have something that you would like to share, I would love your suggestions.  I watched an Andy Stanley message today that was awesome! 

Anyways, I would love your suggestions.  God is moving!  I love you guys

Josh

My Jesus can handle it!!!!

       So, I'm still in the circle.  Don't you dare be disappointed. My Jesus is awesome!  He has a plan and a reason why he wants me here for another week.  I would love to have gone home last night, but His ways are higher than mine. 

I have to give a shout out to all my amazing brothers and sisters who worshiped with us last night.  I have never felt that much freedom in worship in my life.  Everyone came with the intention to worship Jesus with everything in them.  Jesus Christ was exalted, and that makes last night an unbelievable success.  It was hard for a few minutes when it really sank in for me and Whitney that I couldn't come home.  She cried for a minute, and then hugged me and said that God had a reason.  If there is one thing that I have learned this past month, it's that God has blessed me with an incredible wife.  I cannot begin to thank Jesus enough for the amazing girl that God allowed a schmuck like me to spend my life with.

I woke up this morning with one burden still on my heart.  One of my closest friends was waiting to hear news about a construction job that he was a candidate for.  As a took a shower in my sprinkler (9 settings lol), I asked God to finish the weekend off strong for us.  I know God owes us nothing, but I also knows He cares.  When I got out of the shower, I walked to the other side of the circle and picked up my cell.  I had a text that said "Bro, we got the job.  Praise God"  I screamed like a little girl, and started running circles around the circle, screaming "thank you Jesus" as loud as I could.  Then I fell down and cried for a bit (not my manliest moment.)  I have prayed with my friend for 18 months that God would bless his business, and what an awesome weekend for God to answer that prayer!  

 We had 130 people praising Jesus last night, and hundreds praying from their local church or from home.
 

This is our best side :)

Don't ask

   God is doing His work.  Thank you for your love and support.  Thank you Jesus for who you are.

For Him or not at all,

Josh

Still in the Circle! Jesus is Awesome!

Hey guys!  The service at RTC tonight was awesome!  Jesus handled his business once again.

We had around 130 in our worship service tonight.  Not quite enough to go home, but it was such a spirit-filled service, I have no complaints!  God wants me to stay here at least another week.  Our message was partly from Job 38, so I'm not surprised that God's ways are not my ways as far as when I leave the circle.

Some of my friends took some pictures and a video from RTC tonight, and they're trying to get them on here without me getting online...  Well, it's not working, so check out Relevant Truth Church on Facebook if you want to see them.

Thank you all for your continued prayers.  And thank you to everyone who worshiped Jesus with us tonight.  I can't wait to see you next Sunday.  I'll talk to you guys soon.  Right now I'm going to sleep.


Love God, Love People,

Josh

Who peed in your Cheerios?

Have you ever written a blog that several people are reading, and a couple people always take it really personally?  It's actually really funny.  God's been laying some stuff on my heart, so I write about it, and then a few people get really offended and start defending themselves and their family personally! 

I just wanted to take this opportunity to tell everybody that I love you, and I don't know very many of you very well.  I am not necessarily talking about you or your precious, perfect little angel children.  I am sure that you have never been rude to a waiter, or impatient with anyone in your entire life.  I am sure that everyone in every restaurant that you have ever eaten in runs up to you begging to meet Jesus after you have graced them with your presence.

From the deepest, darkest places in my heart I am so sorry for hurting your feelings.  I am so sorry that you felt singled out by a blog that hundreds of people read. :)  If you were children, this would be really funny.  You're not, so it's really sad.

In all seriousness...If there is one thing I feel called to the most as a pastor, it is to wake up a sleeping Church.  The passage in scripture that I feel most connected to is when Ezekiel preaches to the dry bones.  I believe that my past experiences and God's direct leading in my life have brought me to a place where I have no patience for religion and self-righteousness.  I hate country-club churches, where everything is about you feeling good.  Unfortunately, I find myself guilty of all of that. I don't have it all together, and I haven't figured it all out.

However, I am tired of a church culture that allows us to scream hate at sinners, but cringes if we speak the truth to zombie "christians."  Grow some and get over yourself.  If you don't want to be challenged, don't read the blog.  If you don't like what is said, don't let your kids read the blog.

To the rest of you.  Thank you so much for the unbelievable support and unity that I have felt over the past 3 weeks.  It is a testimony to the power and love of Jesus Christ that so many of you have been so encouraging.  Even though many of you don't understand exactly what is up with the circle, your kindness and grace have been amazing for myself and our church.  I am praying that soon I will be able to get on Facebook and reply to all the messages Whitney said I have. :) You have been awesome.

Please pray for our service at Relevant Truth Church tonight.  Our worship service is at 6:00 pm at what was formerly Zero Gravity Skatepark.  We would love for our brothers and sisters from all the local churches here to join us as we worship Jesus.

We believe that tonight is the night.  God has provided the financial goals that we have been praying for.  We are asking him to bring 150 tonight.  Pray with us.

I love all of you. 

For Him or not at all

Josh
     

Church People Suck

Some of you are really irritated right now!  Did he just say church people suck?  How dare he say something like that?  That is a very broad statement!

Question.  Do you think I could safely say "King cobras are dangerous?"  Yes?  That's a pretty broad statement!  But here's the deal.  I understand that there are poisonous snakes that have had their fangs/venom removed, so they aren't dangerous.  I get that.  I know that there are exceptions.  However, I can still make the statement "cobras are dangerous," with a great deal of passion, because based on percentages, I'm absolutely right.  Most cobras are dangerous!

Church people suck.  I worked in the restaurant industry for several years.  I was a waiter and a cook.  Guess what the absolute worst shift of the week to work was?  SUNDAY AFTERNOON!  Around 12:15, the church crowd would come in.  They were dressed to the gills, had their hair perfect, and often would carry bibles into the restaurant with them.  Then they were mean, demanding, impatient, and didn't tip worth a crap.  I have never worked with anyone in the food service industry who has said anything but I HATE WORKING SUNDAY AFTERNOON.

But then we have "tent meetings" and "revival services" and we wonder why people won't come with us!  It's because we suck!  Such a large percentage of church people are playing religion, and aren't following Christ, that we are destroying our opportunity to love people like Jesus!    I know none of us are perfect.  And I know from experience that no matter how hard you try, somebody is going to hate you.  But we should be hated for our faith, and our life decisions, not because we're impossible to please. 

Instead of becoming defensive right now, what if a bunch of us did our best to counter the church culture that has been created.  What if we never spoke to a waitress like she was our slave again?  What if we smile when she realizes that she hasn't refilled our sweet tea in 45 minutes?  What if we clean up the floor when our kid tears up her chicken tenders and throws them on the floor?   What if we respectfully tell her our steak is overcooked, instead of acting like it was her fault?  What if we tip 20%, even if the service was terrible? What if we laugh it off when she spills a drink on our lap? That waitress may have a sick kid at home, and be totally distracted. 

What if, when we go into a grocery store, the cashiers are excited because they know someone is going to be nice to them?  What if, even when it's tough, we treat people with respect and real love?  What if someone else's pain is always more important than our own?

Often, I'm so consumed with my own little world that I don't see the pain around me.  I want what I want when I want it.  I might help somebody, as long as it fits into my schedule.  I might smile at someone, as long as I'm in the mood.  I might laugh something off, as long as I'm not already stressed.  Funny thing is, I can't figure out how a cross was ever convenient for Jesus.  I don't know how he could ever be in the mood to be tortured and crucified for my problems.  Being a church person isn't enough.

What if we actually tried to act like Jesus?

It's Friday, But Sunday's Coming!

I'm starting to get really excited on Fridays.  When I realize that Sunday is only two days away, it makes me really antsy.  Last Sunday evening was epic at RTC.  Not because of anything except that there was an amazing atmosphere of true worship.  Joey and the worship team were great, but it was so much more than just music.  It seemed like everybody came in here ready to worship Jesus.  I think it was that spirit of anticipation that was so awesome.  People showed up hungry for God.

This Sunday, I am obviously still praying for a packed house.  I am praying that I go home this Sunday night.  But more than that, I am praying that Jesus is exalted, and we experience true worship and life change.  I want everyone who comes through the doors to come ready to blow the roof off of this place.  Jesus is amazing, and he deserves it. 

I am praying for several local church families to be represented here this Sunday.  I am praying that God gives us an amazing sense of unity and fellowship.  I am praying that we are unified in the worship and adoration of Jesus Christ.  I am praying that no one stays away because of a misguided sense of competition between local churches. 

I am praying the the Holy Spirit makes Himself so evident to all of us this Sunday evening.  I am praying that none of us leave without experiencing the touch of God.  I pray that God speaks to each of us through our time of worship, through the message, and through the fellowship of other believers. 

I am praying that if there are 50 or 250, that we will magnify Jesus Christ with the same amount of passion, commitment and intensity.  Pray with me for this Sunday evening.  Jesus will be praised.

I love you, Jesus loves you

Josh

Confession Time!

So, a lot of you don't know me.  I think it's funny to think about what some of you might think, if you've never met me.  I've had some people calling me, asking me really weird questions.  I think they think I'm wearing a monks robe, sitting cross-legged, humming.  I've gotten the idea that some people think I'm either a crazy dude, eating bugs out of my beard, mumbling star trek lines, or I'm a wise saint, living out my days in a circle, content to do nothing but read the Bible and pray.  Unfortunately, neither of those is remotely true.

  Truth is, I'm switching between unbelievable times of worship and agonizing times of frustration.    I have ADHD and learning disabilities that make being confined excruciating.  Plus, as much as I love Jesus and His Word, it is very difficult for me to read for long periods of time  What I just started sharing with people is that I couldn't read until just before my 9th birthday.   That doesn't mean I'm stupid, it's just that my brain works a little...different.  I am on pace to read through the Bible in a month.  That's been awesome...and awful.  It is one of the most difficult things I've ever done.  Reading through Leviticus and Numbers for hours nearly killed me :)  What it has done for my relationship with Jesus has been unbelievable.  I want to continue reading through the Bible monthly when I get out.  It's actually only 35 pages a day in my Bible. 

I guess I am trying to make a point, so I'll get to it.  I have realized over the past couple of days that this whole "dude in a circle" business has gotten out into the community.  I had 1500 page views on the blog in one day!  People are curious, intrigued, and honestly pretty confused.  And I'm getting some pretty hilarious questions.  Is that dude crazy, a saint, or pulling a publicity stunt? 

I'm a normal dude who spent several years counting on my personality and gifts to make me successful.  I prayed, but I worked harder.  I knew God wanted to pour out His blessing, but I never really thought I deserved it.  I've always seen myself as the weird guy with learning issues.  So I started counting on the things I was good at to get me through.  That got me nowhere.  I asked God what to do to turn it all over to Him.  He told me to draw a circle, sit in a circle, read my Bible, pray, and let Him handle His business.  That's why I'm here.  I think it's crazy, but it worked. 

2.5 weeks ago, when Relevant Truth Church drew a circle, we owed $5000 in bills, and had around $20 in the bank.  We had absolutely no way to get that money.  I wanted to be out trying to figure it out.  But I couldn't...I was in a circle :)  We started praying.  Tuesday, we paid all of our bills, and we have money left over at the end of the month for the first time in 18 months!  We can actually buy a sign for in front of our building now!  Guys, I've tried to raise money since I started doing youth ministry 5 years ago.   I've never been successful. 
Now we're praying for our brothers and sisters to come worship with us this Sunday. 

I'm not a saint.  I say things I shouldn't say, and do what I shouldn't do.  I'm not the smartest guy, best looking, best speaker, or the most charismatic.  My formal education is limited.  I disobey God every single day.  With this whole circle thing, I think I just got this one right.  Through the power of the Holy Spirit, I actually managed to obey Jesus.  And He is blessing RTC because He wants to.  Because He's our daddy, and He can.

If you see me in Wal-Mart on Monday (please dear Jesus), I'll be the guy with the mountain dew, 3 movies that I just rented, a bucket of ice cream, my beautiful wife, and two beautiful daughters (one of which will probably be taking stuff off the shelves.)  I won't be any smarter or more attractive.  I won't have any more degrees.  But I will have more joy than you've ever seen on my face.  I have spent so much time without anybody else's opinions.  Just me and Jesus.  I used to walk around with an overwhelming fear of failure on my shoulders.  Not anymore.  I already failed, and Jesus just kept being Jesus...and then he made me sit in a circle :) 


I finally got out of the way...and I've seen Jesus move!  

The Sound of Stupid

Sometimes I wonder if freedom is the worst thing for the church in America.  Seriously, what if we had to follow Christ in the face of persecution or death?  I've got a sneaking suspicion that 85% of Americans wouldn't claim to be Christians anymore! 

What if going to church and wearing a WWJD bracelet wasn't all there was to following Christ?  What if we had to give EVERYTHING to claim the name of Jesus?  What if we had to choose between Jesus and our freedom?  What if claiming the name of Jesus was a one way ticket to a firing squad?  Or an electric chair?  Or a prison where you had to lay naked in a stone cell, with temperatures well below freezing?  What if meeting on Sunday and worshiping Jesus was always under threat of a raid from police, where you would probably have your children taken away?  What if you couldn't fake it anymore!? 

What if our churches were full of living, active, radical followers of Jesus Christ?  What if it was impossible for pastors to stand on stages and "wing it?"  What if our 3 point, 3 sub-point sermons out of a text book made people mad, because they were desperate for a move of God?  What if we were more concerned with worship than we were our own comfort?  What if we worshiped like nobody was watching....or better yet, like God was watching!  What if we had no patience for abuse?  What if instead of watching, we stepped in when people were being hurt?  What if we cared more about a teenage girls pain than about her modesty?  What if we cared more about a man's pain than about his earrings, tattoos, long hair and cigarettes? 

What if we stopped caring about popular opinion and started caring about the Holy Spirit's leading?   What if  we were willing to take on everyone for the sake of our Jesus? 

What if we were willing to do that alone?

What if we did it together?

16 Days In - And I'm Losing

Have you ever started something that you knew would be difficult, but you thought you could handle, only to realize that you can't? 

As I read back through some of the recent posts on this blog, I realize that I'm losing this one.  I thought I would be facing silence, loneliness, name-calling, mocking etc.  I even knew my brothers and sisters in Christ would be broadcasting their opinions on facebook and anonymous comments instead of addressing me directly.  I thought God was going to use this to unify His people, and provide for His Kingdom.  I didn't expect threats and late night visitors.  I didn't expect to lay here, afraid that these guys know where my family lives.  And I wasn't prepared to deal with that. 

Unfortunately, I allowed those things to make me focus on just getting out of this circle.  For the past several days, I just have wanted to get home to take care of my family, and make sure they are safe.  Because of that, for the past several days I've spent my time asking you to show up so I can leave.  I'm sorry.  I lost that battle. 

But we won't lose the war.

If God leads you here, I'd love to see you.  If not, I'll be here.  Either way, I won't be using this blog to ask you to come anymore.  You know what I'm praying for.  This circle has been unbelievably polarizing.  People seem to love it or hate it :)  And that means sometimes they hate me.   I have asked God to forgive me for breaking.  I have asked Him to give me the courage to continue here.  He will, and I'll be fine. I will continue to pray, and read the Word. 

Please continue to pray with me.  I understand that I have let many of you down.  For that I am sorry.  I am not strong enough to deal with this stuff, but Jesus is.  I took my eyes off of Him and started focusing on my fears. 


I love you all.  Please forgive me

Josh

2 AM, And Somebody's Outside!

Apparently people will stop at nothing to make this more difficult.  There are people walking around outside, making sure I know they are there.  They are parking their cars in a field next door and then coming on to the church property to screw with me.  Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be kids.  Based on what we've heard and have seen these past several days, I'm starting to get a little worried for my safety at night.
    Somebody brought me some pictures that some young adults have been making and circulating on facebook.  There's nothing like seeing your own face being sent out to thousands of people while people try to smear you.  From mocking the circle, to hate messages about me and our leadership closing down a skatepark.

Over 550 people have read one of my recent posts.  I want you to help me get this one out.  Please share this with everyone that you can for me.  I can't sleep until I write this down.

Yes,  I am a little scared.  When people threaten me with crowbars, and then start walking around, looking in windows after midnight every night, it kind of freaks me out.  
Yes,  it sucks to spend your life trying to love people, and then have them turn on you when you have to make tough decisions that they don't understand.  It sucks to know that your face is in front of thousands of people, while grown people call you profane names.  It hurts.  


Now....with that in mind. 


Keep walking, keep talking, keep calling me names.  Keep hiding behind your computer screen.  Keep writing anonymous critiques on this blog, because you don't have the courage to sign your criticism.  Keep trying to keep me up at night looking in my windows.....


I will not move from this circle until God says I can.  He controls the universe.  He controls my life, and He will control this church, regardless of the fallout.  The basketball court, volleyball net and gaming tables will be a great addition to this community, and a wonderful way for us at Relevant Truth Church to reach many families and teenagers for Jesus Christ.  He is what matters...and we will obey Him. 

Those of you who are reading this and support what Jesus is doing here, please show up on Sunday.  I serve an amazing God who will protect me.  To be perfectly honest, though, I'm kinda scared.  People are consistently around here making threats.  However, I will stay in this circle until 150 people worship at RTC on a Sunday evening.  If someone breaks in here tonight, we will deal with it.  Then I will stay in this circle praying until Sunday evening :)  Please come out and be part of a wonderful night of answered prayers this Sunday. 

I love you all

Josh

Thank you Jesus!!!

I hope you all had an awesome Memorial Day weekend.  Here in Brevard, the White Squirrel Festival was going on, so we definitely did not have a massive crowd this week :)  No worries, we had an unbelievable worship experience with those of us who could be here. 

To be honest, at about 5:55, 5 minutes before our worship service began, I was completely depressed, thinking about the week I had ahead of me in the circle.   I really was obsessing over  how much I wanted to go home, tuck my girls in my bed, watch a movie, drink a Mountain Dew, and just lay on my own couch.  I was sitting outside behind the building with my head in my hands, asking God if I had made a mistake.  Did I misread what He told me to do?  Did I step out on my own?   I came in and made announcements and thanked everybody for being with us.  Then, as the worship band started, I got off the stage and just started begging God to focus me.  I asked Him to fill me with His power and confidence.  And He did. 

Are you guys ready to worship and thank Jesus with me?  We are very close to having the finances that we have been asking God for!  I had several people talk to me last night that made commitments that God told them to make.  I am completely blown away right now.  At 5:55, I was so consumed with myself and my own comfort, but an hour later I was jumping up and down thanking Jesus for doing work! I know he is going to continue leading people to give. 

Now, this Sunday is June 3rd.  My anniversary is June 7th :)  I want to take my wife to Charlotte next weekend.  I want you to help me do that.  We need 150 people here this Sunday.   We are  going to fill this place up and  worship Jesus with everything we've got.  I believe He wants you here :)  I hope he does anyways, because I sure do. 

Several people have been asking how they can help financially.  Well, here is the link to Relevant Truth Church's paypal account.

http://www.relevanttruthchurch.com/donate

If God hasn't led you to give to RTC, you keep praying.  If He has, thank you, but you keep praying too.  Jesus Christ is going to be glorified no matter what happens in the next 6 days.  My wants are only wants unless Jesus wants them to be realized.  Then they can't be stopped.

I love you guys so much.  Jesus love you more.

Half-Price Jesus!

Relevant Truth Church Worship 

Sunday 6:00 pm

920 Old Hendersonville Hwy  Brevard NC 28712

Message:  Half-Price Jesus! 

We can't wait to worship with you tonight!  You don't want to miss it! 

Pray with me.

Oh God, You are my God, I will sing your praises in the streets
Oh God, You are my God, I will scream your name in the darkness
Your Word will not return without success
You whisper and the thunder roars
You smile, and the sun shines

Your sacrifice brought me to life
Your resurrection conquers death forever
Who is like my God?
Who's criticism can compare to the love of my God?
Though they scream against your name
It is but the sound of breaking glass
Your glory shatters the mocking of fools

You cover your children in the power of your hand
Your arm is greater than all the powers of this earth
To obey you far outweighs my desires
My comfort is nothing compared to the reward of the approval of my Father
The religious will be stopped by the magnitude of your grace
The dead will be brought to life in Christ

Who is like my God?  I will sing your praises in the streets
Who is like my God?  I will scream your name in the darkness

YOUR WORD WILL NOT RETURN WITHOUT SUCCESS

Josh  

I am not alone!

Hey Everybody!

First of all, I want to thank you all for reading these and walking with me through this crazy process.  There are now about 420 people following these blog posts every day.  I remember, on the first day I wrote one, telling my brother Joey that it would blow my mind if God led 50 people to read these posts while I was in the Circle.  I have been praying that God would lead many of you to come worship with us this Sunday @ 6:00 pm.  My local family at Relevant Truth Church would be so encouraged if our family in Christ stood with us this Sunday and we all worshiped Jesus together.  This has been an unbelievably awesome, and incredibly difficult week.

I was reading in I Chronicles today about David's 30 mighty men again.  I know I'm not David, but I know how he feels.  Through this process, I have never been alone.  I don't think Joey has been home before 1 am more than 2-3 times in the past two weeks.  I have 2 guys that are in here almost every night praying with me.  Then there are my family and friends that bring food, encouragement, and just sit and pray.  My beautiful wife comes and sits with me every morning when she gets off work.  Then there are most of you guys on the blog, who are praying with us for God to move in awesome ways.  We do not take your prayers and participation for granted.  Every time I see the numbers jump, I thank God that He has given us so many friends.  You truly are an enormous blessing.

For those of you have left encouraging comments on Facebook, thank you.  My wife has been checking it.  I cannot respond, but she has been relaying your messages to me.  Thank you.  

For those who have left profane messages on the blog, cursing Jesus and me...Jesus loves you. I erased your comments because kids are on here. You have not experienced the love of Jesus, yet.  I can't wait until you do.  I love you.

To the person who wrote the comment "a couple thoughts" a couple days ago............................................... Jesus loves you.

To the other 400 of you....Jesus loves you.  Wherever you are.  Whatever you are going through.  Jesus loves you.  He is bigger than your pain.  He's bigger than your fear.  He will be victorious, regardless of how it feels today.












   

 

I need your help!!!

I need your prayers!  RTC needs your prayers.  We have had to make some very hard decisions this week in order to obey Jesus and make it possible to reach as many people as possible.   The result has been a pretty intense smear campaign against our church, and myself in particular at times.  There are several people making some pretty violent threats against us, and our property.  Being here in a circle 24/7 makes those threats hit a little close to "home."  :)  I am not sure that I have ever had a more difficult two days in my life. 

There are two ways that you can help tremendously! 

1.Pray for Relevant Truth Church every chance you get.
   
So many in our church and on our leadership team specifically are under attack.  Ask Jesus to make us cunning as serpents and gentle as doves.  I will admit, I really wanted to invite some people into the circle with me yesterday to deal with my anger!  Ask Jesus to give us grace and strength to remain faithful to His leading, regardless of what is going on around us.  It feels like opposition is multiplying around us.  Jesus said to expect it, I guess I never thought it would be this intense.  Pray!  "He that is in you is greater than he that is in the world."

2.  Come out and stand with us at Relevant Truth Church this Sunday. 

I can't begin to tell you what it would mean to me and to my church family if our brothers and sisters stood with us for Jesus.  Yes, we are making hard decisions.  Yes, we are tearing down high places and erecting altars.  And yes, that makes us feel very alone sometimes.  But there are 250 people that read my last blog post.  You have been holding my arms up for 11 days!  You have been fighting and praying with me.  Now I am asking you to stand and worship with us this Sunday @ 6:00 pm in Brevard.  I am praying that God  brings an army of worshipers this  Sunday.  If you are a member of another church, I promise you, there will be no expectations.  Just come worship with your brothers and sisters this week.  Help us stand against the enemy. 

I love you all so much. 

For Him with no apology

Josh

They called me what?

There is a debate going on among some people in the community about Relevant Truth Church, me, and this circle.  Is Relevant Truth Church just a bunch of crazy people doing crazy stuff?  Is this Pastor Josh some insane dude who is trying some stupid publicity stunt?  Is he really qualified to be a pastor?  Do the people in the church have any discernment at all?  Why would they be part of a church where the pastor does crazy stuff like painting a circle on the floor and living in it?  Like really, who does that?

So, I wanted to take a second and answer the questions that many of you are asking.  Here we go.

Jesus is amazing.  Everything is all about Jesus.  His glory, His sacrifice, His name, His power, His love. 
My name is Josh Sexton.  I don't matter.  My name, my age, my credentials, my tattoos, my worth, my education.  

Jesus told me to start Relevant Truth Church.  I did.  Then, I started trying to do it the "right" way.  The way many other churches do things.  The same organization, structure, programs etc.  I tried to raise money the way I was "supposed to".  We had some success.  God brought people, and 35 people have accepted Jesus Christ at RTC in 6 months.  We have a wonderful facility that God has provided. 

With all of the success that we were seeing, I was about ready to quit.  I faced depression, anger, frustration.  I really felt like I could crawl into a ditch and lay there for a few weeks.  I had done everything I knew to do, and I knew something was missing.  Then I realized what it was.  We had started doing church!  We had a formula that was working, and our attendance was phenomenal, and we were seeing results.  However, I knew that this was not all that Jesus had for RTC.  He wanted us completely and totally relying on Him!  Like, praying and begging Him to move with no backup plan!  Actually living by faith.  I can't lead my church to me or my "church philosophy."  I had to take them straight to Jesus! 

My buddy gave me a book called "the circle maker," by Mark Batterson.  As I began to read it, God told me to draw a circle and start praying.  I said I would do that.  Then He told me to stay in the circle until He answered my prayers.  I freaked out, prayed for 10 days and asked Him to change His mind.  He didn't change His mind.  So I told Him I would do that.  I told Him that everyone would call me crazy, and say it was a publicity stunt.  He said that what they called me didn't matter, as long as I obeyed Him. 

He told me to go into the circle with no crutches.  So I did.  Ten days later, with no caffeine, nicotine, tv, youtube, netflix, books, google, or any form of entertainment,  I am hearing from God!  I am still nobody!  But Jesus has shown me so much who He is.  This circle has been one of the greatest sources of pain that my wife and I have ever dealt with, but we wouldn't trade it for anything.  I've seen visions, had dreams that I know He gave me, and experienced confidence in Christ that I have never understood.  The time that I have spent in the Word is changing me from the inside out.

I am also hearing from people some of the names that I am being called.  It almost hurt my feelings. Especially when I hear that it's mainly other "brothers and sisters" from other churches.   But it didn't :)   I am far from an expert on church planting, pastoring, Biblical interpretation etc.  Here's what I understand.  Jesus said if I loved Him, I would obey Him.  He told me to live in a circle.  I don't get it.  But I don't have to.  That's why He's God.

Call me crazy, stupid, insane.  Call me a mystic.  Call me uneducated, simple, unexperienced.  Say I'm not qualified.  I agree with you.  Good news......

JESUS IS EVERYTHING THAT I AM NOT!!!!

That's the point.  Think what you want of me and what I am doing.  That's irrelevant.  However you get there, as long as you get to Jesus, that's a win.

I love you, Jesus loves you.

Read this blog, stupid!

Somebody told me I need to come up with "catchy" titles for my posts, so I thought I'd call you stupid and see if you would read it :)  I probably don't think you're stupid, and I apologize if you were offended that I called you stupid.  If you are stupid, it's all good, cause you're probably not real sure what's going on anyway.

I have some very specific prayers that I've been taking to Jesus this week.  If God blesses in these situations, we could have the finances committed that I have been praying for by this Friday!  We have had people in Relevant Truth Church step up this week, and I believe they will continue to.  We also have someone who lives in Charlotte, who drives to RTC as often as possible, who committed to support RTC financially Sunday night.  I am still praying for God to raise up men and women who will commit to supporting what God is doing here, and I know that He will. Please be praying with me. 

I am also praying that God lays it on your heart to worship with us this Sunday night at 6:00 pm.  I still believe that I will leave the circle on June 3rd.  That is going to take the participation of a lot of my friends, and brothers and sisters in Christ.  150 of us will worship together at RTC before I leave the circle. 

Thanks for reading, stupid :)  There are at least 197 people reading this blog on a regular basis.  That means that as lonely as I feel here at times, there are almost 200 people that are on this prayer and faith journey with me.  I love you all very much, and I am sure you are all very intelligent. 

Don't forget June 3rd!!!  Don't come alone.  Bring 9 friends with you :)  That's the night I get to tuck my girls in their beds.  We're going to do it together. 

To Him that is able to work miracles through a silly circle - be glory, power, praise, and everything we can imagine to give Him. 

Challenge Extended!

I can't get June 3rd out of my head today!
 I just had an unbelievable time of worship with Jesus.  It's pouring outside, which is really loud in this metal building!  I was running around on the stage praying and singing like an idiot.  I was more yelling than singing.  Before long I was crying and yelling.  I've been reading through Judges, Ruth, and 1 Samuel today.  God's blessings on those who obey Him is so clear to me right now.  I felt His presence so strong while I worshiped Him.  The rain just added to my sense of awe I think.  Nothing like having a dad that can make it rain!

So here's the challenge.  June 3rd is in my head really strong!  I believe that is the day that we are going to have 150 people in our Sunday worship service.  I don't know where we will be with the finances, but I do believe that is the day we reach our numeric goal.  That is 13 days from today.  For the next 13 days I am going to focus my prayers on June 3rd.

I am begging everyone within driving distance to find a way to be here on the 3rd.  And bring somebody with you!  We have our worship service at 6:00 pm, so you can come even if you're part of another church family.  There are 185 people reading this blog, so I know we can do this.  Many of you have stock in this circle as well. Circle the 3rd on your calendar, load up a van, and meet us at Relevant Truth Church.  I promise you won't regret it!

I love you all.

Come see me.  I'll be here :)

Tonight is going to be intense!

The worship experience at Relevant Truth Church is going to be unbelievable!  6:00 p.m. marks seven days since we drew the circle.  Since that time a week ago, many men have spent dozens of hours inside the circle, begging the Holy Spirit for His power and provision.  I believe we will see a difference tonight.  I believe we will begin to see a fresh move of God in Relevant Truth Church spiritually tonight.  Jesus will be exalted, and lives will be changed. 

I cannot wait until the worship band plays that first note, and RTC begins to worship the creator of the flippin universe!  I can't wait to see how many of our brothers and sisters from other local churches come to worship Jesus with us in an unbelievable testimony of unity in Christ.  I can't wait to see who the Holy Spirit guides through those doors who are hurting and desperately need the touch of the great physician.

Tonight is the first night that I get to preach from the circle.  Right now, I feel like I could explode with excitement and intensity.  Tonight is going to be offensive, raw, and challenging.  When you come worship with us, the Holy Spirit is going to move on us and change us.  He's been destroying me all week.  Come as you are, but don't plan on leaving the same. 

I love you all so much.  Please come worship with me tonight.  Tonight is not about Relevant Truth Church.  Tonight is about Jesus! 

You can keep watching, or you can get involved!

    One of God laws for the Israelites in Leviticus was that if they saw someone who needed help, they had to help them.  They couldn't see their neighbor chasing his ox around the field without helping him.  They had to get involved, instead of standing around watching.
   
Did you know that everybody has as good of an excuse as you do for why they can't get involved in God's work?  Trust me, I hear them all the time.  Everyone thinks they have the perfect reason for why they can't obey Jesus.  Money is tight.  We had a busy week at the ball fields.  I had a headache.  I just don't know what to do (just ask). 
  
Here's the problem.  There are people who will not let the work of Jesus  fail.  That means, when you don't do your part, it doesn't just not happen.  SOMEBODY HAS TO DO IT!  Someone bears the burden of your disobedience.  Someone gives more or works harder.  In order to serve Jesus, you will have to sacrifice.  I am so tired of seeing the minority sacrificing so much while the majority sacrifices nothing! 
  
Step up.  Do what God tells you to do.  God's work will be done.  You can be part of the fighting force, or you can be the dead weight that somebody has to carry.  Don't be that loser. 
 
The thing that Jesus is showing me is that He has already provided what we need, if His people would just obey.  This isn't us watching to see what God is going to do.  This is about us listening to see what He is already telling us to do! 

  There are now about 160 people following this blog.  I can't wait to see a bunch of you Sunday!  :) 
6:00 PM at Zero Gravity Skatepark. :)

    How does a church in 2012 actually follow the leading of the Holy Spirit?  There is a book written on every subject that a young pastor/leadership team might ever face.  Not enough money?  There's a seminar in Charlotte this Thursday.  Need better children's ministries?  There's a book that came out last week that will change your life!  You don't have a clue how to preach?  There's a conference in Atlanta with the best in the world.  Listen for a few days and you'll figure it out. 
  
   What if we don't experience "Acts results" because we just don't need the Holy Spirit anymore?  I wonder if the apostles would have listened to God if they would have had Francis Chan, John Piper, David Platt, and Mark Driscoll?  I love those men, but when in the hell did they become what would or should change our lives?  I love books, I love conferences (good ones), I love to see thousands of people worshiping Jesus.  But at some point I've got to ask myself why my knee jerk reaction when I don't know something is to look at a commentary!  What ever happened to "The Holy Spirit will lead you into all truth?" 

   Is google your worst enemy when it comes to hearing from God?  I pretty sure it is mine.  I'm hearing from God  today like I haven't in a long time.  If I had access to my books, I'm pretty sure I would have drowned Him out at some point.  It seams like we're trying so hard to manufacture "revival" that we've put the only One who can bring it on the back burner.  "Hey God, if Piper doesn't know the answer I'll hit you up."  "If Driscoll's church hasn't been through this before we'll talk."  "If Andy Stanley hasn't done a really good series on this already, I'll try to get a word from you." 

I'm pretty sick of a church full of copies of copies.  I believe these men are trying to imitate Christ.  But He's telling them what THEY need to do.  My ears are fine.  I want to get my info from the SOURCE!

Jesus Has My Attention

So, the past 5 days have been challenging. I have focused on and vented about the discomfort, loneliness, etc long enough. 

There are now over 140 people following this blog.  Jesus told me today that my grace period is over.  I have had time to become acclimated to my new surroundings.  I am not here for pity.  I don't want your sympathy.  When you come visit me, please do not ask about how I am, or how it is going for me here.  That will only distract me.  I am paying attention to my wife and my daughters.  If you have concerns about them, talk to Whitney. They come see me daily.  Your questions to me do not help. If Whitney was not 100% behind this, I would not have begun it.  As it stands today, I will not leave until we have $6500 a month and 150 people in our worship service on a Sunday night.  If you want to help, be an instrument in the hands of Jesus to accomplish those two goals.

From now on, these blogs will be about what Jesus is showing me through this process.  When He tells me to, I will share with you all what you can do to help.  Until then, pray with everything you are.  If God tells you to share this blog, do it. Our Jesus will be glorified in this.  The vision that God has given us will be realized.  People will meet Jesus and be brought to life through this.  Nothing else matters.  That must be our focus at Relevant Truth Church.  Nothing less than that is acceptable. 

Relevant Truth Church.  Do something.  Bring somebody Sunday.  Our words to Jesus are meaningless.  We must act!  We cannot settle for apathy.  Get off the bleachers - get in the game.  I love you guys so much.

To Him that is able to so much more than we can possibly imagine or comprehend be all the credit and glory.

I'll see you all Sunday.  Be ready to worship 

The confusion around me is starting to get back to me.  Why in the world would somebody live in a circle in 2012?  How is this going to work?  Does he really think this makes any sense?  I don't think a good father/husband would do this!  I read all of the pastor books, and this wasn't in any of them!  lol

Somebody told me yesterday that I needed to write a post explaining why I am doing his, and what I hope to accomplish.  Well, here I go. 

God told me to.  I was reading "The circle maker," and God told me not only to pray circles around my vision, but actually live in the circle.  I told Him He was crazy, but He didn't back down.  I believe that God wants to do amazing things at Relevant Truth Church.  The vision is to have 5 RTC locations.  Brevard, Boston, Baltimore, Detroit, and Toronto.  We plan to launch the Boston location in 2014.  God began to show me that supernatural provision often only follows radical obedience.  Well, He told me to live in a circle.  He also told me to leave all of my "crutches" outside the circle.  When I say crutches, I'm talking about the things that I turn to when I start to stress, instead of turning to Jesus.  I have a pretty long list.  Since we drew the circle Sunday, I have not watched tv, been online, played video games, smoked a cigarette, or drank caffeine.  Listen, I am not trying to be super-spiritual.  I don't think any of those things is wrong in and of themselves.  But together, they were my coping mechanisms.  God told me to lean only on Him and pray.  Pray like I've never prayed before.  So that's what I've been doing.

I have committed to stay in this circle until  God provides RTC with  $6500 a month,  and we have 150  people in our worship experience in our 6:00 Sunday evening service.  I have no idea how long that will take.  I may be here for a few more days, or I could be here for several months.  The time is up to Him.  My obedience is up to me. 

People have been coming constantly to pray with me and just hang out.  It has been awesome how people in the RTC family have made sure I'm fed, and not going crazy.  I'm fed........ :)  

Keep praying.  In the grand scheme of things, this circle means nothing.  Our obedience to God, even when it doesn't make sense, means EVERYTHING.  

I'm starting to have to deal with my frustration.  Little spiritual catch-phrases don't work after 4 days in a circle.  I feel like I can go one of two ways right now.  I can become completely depressed, or I can go to Jesus.  Since about noon today I've been fighting getting really depressed.  Looking at the same 4 walls for close to 100 hours is starting to drive me crazy.  Shivering at night, then sweating all day is kicking my butt.  Going from total loneliness at night to wanting somewhere to hide from people at times during the day is really confusing.  I really want to smoke a cigarette, drink a Mt dew, watch a basketball game, sleep with my wife, and take a hot shower!  :)    
  "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."  Pray with me please.  Pray that God will see fit to provide soon.  Pray that God will stir in someone's heart to give to His work at RTC.  Pray that His name will be lifted up.  Pray that in my weakness, He will receive honor, and glory, and all the credit for what he is going to do.  Pray that something this simple will draw people to Jesus, if only because nobody does something this ridiculous unless Jesus told them to :) 
  
Thank you Jesus for Who You Are.  Thank you for Your unending, undeserved love.  Thank you for your unbelievable sacrifice on the cross.  Thank you for leaving your house in heaven, and showing up in a stinking manger.  Forgive me that I fall apart after 4 days in a stupid circle.  Thank you for picking me up.  Thank you that your grace is big enough for something this small.  Thank you that you care.  Thank you that you are going to provide for Relevant Truth Church.  Thank you that you are going to do it your way, in your time.  Until then, I'll be in my little circle.  Thank you that you're in the circle with me.

We had our first Discipleship Class last night at RTC.  We brought the table up to the circle, so I could teach from it.  We had 30 show up for the class, which is totally awesome!  We were talking about the Bible.  It's trustworthiness, authenticity etc. We looked at a lot of the external evidence for the reliability of scripture.  It was a blast.  I really felt like we were all connecting, and a bunch of questions were getting answered for some of our people.  It's fun to see the light go on in teenagers and adults faces when they realize that there is supportable evidence for the reliability of the Bible.

We always have "dude's night" on Wednesday.  Instead of going to the Pub we usually go to, all the guys ordered pizza and hung out in the circle with me.  It was a blast.  I am so thankful for friends that love Jesus and  love me. 

It's starting to get really hot in this metal building during the days  :)  Since there is no A/C, I end up in swimming trunks or shorts about every day.  It's been a lot of fun though.  My friend Dawn ordered lunch for me today and had it delivered. 

Today I'm seriously praying for God to provide the money for us to keep our building.  I have been praying for God to provide rent money, but the goal has always been to purchase the property.  It is, without a doubt, the best property in the county for us to minister from.  We don't have enough history for a bank to give us a loan, but I know there are men and women out there who could loan us $400K dollars.  I am not going to go find them.  I am going to pray that God either provides our rent, or buys us the property :)  Either way, the work of the Kingdom will go on.

I feel really isolated.  I found out today that Chris Bosh got hurt.  That really changes the NBA Playoffs.  I really want Miami to win this year, because I want ESPN First Take to talk about something else (although they'll just talk about Tim Tebow then lol).  I know my boys will keep giving me updates.  The times I would normally be watching ESPN, I've been reading the Word, so I know Jesus is doing work on me.

Please keep praying with me.  God has me here, but my calling is no more important than yours.  This circle is a matter of obedience for me.  Your relationship is a matter of obedience for you.  Regardless, Jesus is all that matters.  TTYL
 

I’m reading through Exodus right now, and I’m blown away with how much I’m like the Israelites.  “Please bless us God, but do it our way!”  So often I want results that only come from total surrender and obedience to God without playing by His rules.  I want to think about what I want to think about, focus on my priorities, walk in my own selfishness, straight out just disobey God, and then I wonder why He isn’t blessing me!  I’m afraid we have totally perverted the doctrine of grace.  Grace is about God forgiving me, even though I don’t deserve it, when I repent!  Not when I throw up a half-hearted “sorry Jesus” when I want something.  These three days I have come face to face with my own sin.  I have just started to hear from God in unbelievable ways.  I thought he was going to lay some awesome wisdom and direction on me.  He just keeps saying “be holy, for I AM holy!”  There’s nothing like being alone with Jesus to make you see how unlike Him you really are.  The good news is, I’ve been confessing, and He’s been forgiving J  I don’t think I’ve been this light and free in a very long time.  I know He’s just getting started.  He will provide so only He can get the credit.  First, He’s going to forgive and purify like only He can.    

Wednesday, May 16

Wednesday  May 16^th

It’s 10:45 am.  I woke up about 8:30 this morning.  The last thing I remember last night was listening to Joey, Scotty and Kevin praying on the stage.  After what happened Tuesday night, their prayers were amazing to hear.  Joey and Kevin walked around the perimeter of the church property and anointed it and prayed for protection.  Last night I slept like a baby. 

After 3 days of living in the circle, I’m beginning to realize how difficult this is going to be.  I want to call Joey and see if he wants to meet me at Julie’s  Restaurant for lunch.  Some of the guys set up a shower for me in the back. It’s a lawn sprinkler turned upside down and attached to a frame above my head.  Then they wrapped a tarp around a few two-by-fours.  That’s just in case somebody pops in to say hey while I’m taking a shower.  I’d hate for people at Relevant Truth Church to see the pastor “for who he truly is.”  J   The shower is great, except for the cold.  It’s unbelievably cold.  I run back and forth to get wet.  Then I lather up, and start running laps again to rinse.  It certainly wakes me up!

I know that Jesus can and will provide the $6500 a month that we are praying for.  I know that God will bring 150 people to church soon.  I know that He has called me to stay in this circle until He does.  I don’t understand it all the time.  Often I feel really foolish. But I’ve never felt so confident that this is where I’m supposed to be. I don’t have answers, we don’t have resources, and there is no end in sight.  I’m living in a circle.  It’s weird, but Jesus put me in the circle. I know Jesus will get me out.

I’m spending a lot more time in the Word than I am used to.  I have always enjoyed it, but I have never had time to spend with this kind of focus.  The more I read, the more I face a nagging question.  How in the world has the Church gotten where it is?  When did we exchange Christ-like men who fought hard, loved hard, prayed hard, played hard, and acted like men, for the yellow sweater-vests that fill the pulpit in so many of our churches?  Don’t misunderstand; I have no problem with sweaters.  I guess I am just looking for men that love Jesus and could kick you’re A$$!  Men that love their wives  sacrificially, and would break anyone who threatens her.  When did our dudes get more manicured and pretty than their wives?  No wonder many men won’t come to church.  There is often no place for real men in the church.  Somewhere we exchanged relationship with Jesus for polite society.  I want friends like David’s 40 mighty men.  I believe I have several men around me like that.  I don’t want this pretty, perfect American version of church.  I want to love Jesus, love people, and piss religious people off.  Weird what you start thinking about when you have the time J

Sunday Night-  May13

I announced in the service tonight that God wanted me to stay in the circle until He answered our prayers.  We are praying for $6500 a month for a year, and 150 people in attendance in our weekly worship service. 

I don’t know exactly what I expected, but people were much more supportive than I had anticipated.  One lady came up crying and talked about how much it meant to her and her family to have a pastor that would step out in faith.  So many people were standing around crying after our service.  I think it means more to them than I had thought it would.    There was so much adrenaline going on inside of me until everybody started to leave.  I kissed Whitney and the girls bye.  Then I heard a group of people that I usually hang out with talking about going to my favorite Mexican restaurant.  Joey brought me some, but I couldn’t help but wonder what they had been talking about.  I feel like I’ve missed so much life in just a few short hours.  I knew this was going to be really hard, but I don’t think I knew it would be this hard this fast.

About ten o’clock I start to realize how dark and quiet it is in this church building.  I’m not exactly scared, but this huge metal building is unbelievably creepy at night.  Everything creaks.  I started to think about what people might say about me.  I bet a lot of people will think I’m crazy.  Some people may even say that I’m trying to get attention, or just doing a publicity stunt.  I hope I can come up with a better publicity stunt than this.  I wish we could have paid the heat bill, cause it’s really cold in here.  Then I started doing what I have’t done in a really long time.  I turned on some worship music and started praying.  Before I knew it I was pacing back on forth on the stage, totally begging God for miracles.  I don’t know what his time frame is, but I know he is going to come through.  He always does.

Monday – May 14^th

I woke up this morning and realized that I can’t leave.  The cool thing is, I started praying.  I spent a couple hours talking to Jesus and reading the Word.  I am trying to read through the entire Bible in 2 weeks.  I read through Genesis today.  I think I’m going to have to pick up the pace if I’m going to reach my goal.  My family was here today to see me.  Whit brought the girls.  Kiahna asked if I was coming home today.  I can’t come home.  I got to hold her for a while though.   She seems to be doing ok. I love it when they’re here.  It’s only been one day.  I wonder how long I will be here.  It’s really hard to be isolated, but I really thought it would be harder than this.  I think God has given me peace that I am supposed to be here.  I’m craving a cigarette really bad.  That’s what I’ve done when I’m stressed or bored for a while now.  Not having my crutches is forcing me to rely on Jesus.  I’ve never prayed this much in my life.  Joey came today.  My buddy Thomas had put his weight bench in the circle, so we lifted today.  I wonder what this focus will do to the rest of me?  It’s not about the benefits to me, but I can’t help but think of Daniel when he wouldn’t eat the king’s meat.   

The day passes pretty quickly.  Joey and Courtney cooked out and ate behind the church with me and Whit.  Thomas was there too.  Eventually they all had to go home.  Then it got really quiet and dark again.  Around 10:30, I heard a knock at the back door.  It’s Kevin.  We started praying, then I got a text from Brian Johnson saying that Mark Batterson knows about the circle, and is praying for us.  I had just got done telling Kevin that I didn’t want to pray!  That text changed my mind!  We began praying. Around 11:00 Scotty showed up.  They left around 1:30.  I don’t think I’ve ever prayed like that.  I was literally yelling at God.  I’m not sure if that’s ok.  I felt so free to just shout my heart to Him.  David did it, and He was after God’s own heart right?  I think God can handle my emotions and my fears.  One of the biggest emotions I’m feeling right now is doubt.  What if God didn’t tell me to do this?  What if I misinterpreted what I thought was His direction?  My insecurities go crazy when it gets quiet.  I’ve always been able to just turn on my Playstation, or watch a movie on Netflix.  Now that I’ve made a commitment not to have any gaming systems, TV, or internet, it’s just me.  I can’t hide from my doubt and insecurity.  I have to face my feelings of inadequacy.  My friends have been coming by to pray with me, but then they leave, and it’s just me.   I’m still trying to cope with not having cigarettes.  When I’m sitting alone, there’s nothing I want more than to light up.  I know the headache will subside, but smoking always makes me feel less alone.  That’s why I wanted to quit smoking in the circle. When I feel alone, I want to be forced to go to Jesus.  So far it has been working.  There’s been a lot of frustration in my talks with Him, but I have no other options.  I feel His peace breaking through my barriers, but it’s been slow. 

Tuesday – May 15^th

I woke up this morning around 3:00 o’clock to see 3 dark figures pacing in front of me.  They looked like shadows, and they had hoods over their heads. My mattress is on the stage, close to 3 feet in the air.  They were about 4 feet away from me, walking back and forth in front of the stage.  When I saw them, I jumped a little.  All three of them turned to look at me, and then disappeared.  They were just gone.  I sat there for a few minutes, trying to figure out what had just happened.  Finally, I gave up, lay down, and went back to sleep. 

I’m beginning to think that there is more going on than what I can see.  All morning I’ve been trying to tell myself that what I saw was a figment of my imagination.  I was reading the Word and praying today, and I believe that God told me it wasn’t in my head.  I believe that there were dark forces in the room with me last night, fighting what Jesus is doing in our church.   I would imagine that they have been there for a very long time, but I just happened to see them last night.  I think you can often times see the importance of your obedience based on those who oppose you.  Maybe I’m just the idiot who’s praying in a circle until God answers.  Or maybe I’m the idiot that obeyed God, and God is going to pour out His power and blessing on our community as a result of our obedience.  I’m starting to learn that noise doesn’t worry Satan.  Big churches don’t worry Satan.  Big budgets, and nice sound equipment, and wonderful facilities don’t worry Satan.  I believe that God’s kids, completely dependent on the provision of their Father worries Satan.  God chose us to be His representatives on this earth.  So often we try to accomplish His mission using our resources.  If we don’t see the financial plan, we don’t pursue the vision.  Maybe we can’t accomplish God’s vision without relying completely on God’s provision.  I am settling in, and resigning myself to a long road ahead.  I may have many sleepless nights.  I may see more of the enemy.  I’ll take it.  Because I know that in the process, I will see more of my Jesus.

Introduction

Ok people, here's how this works. While reading Pastor Mark Batterson's book, The Circle Maker, Pastor Josh felt called by God to do something extreme.
He has drawn a circle around the stage and the back yard, and will confine himself there until God answers specific prayers. He is journaling about this experience and I will be posting his journal here, as often as possible.
This confinement involves depriving himself of all forms of entertainment including the internet, TV, gaming systems, etc. He will be spending his time in prayer, worship and Bible study until these specific prayers are answered.
The requests are simple:
1. 150 people in our Sunday night worship
2. $6500 per month guaranteed for 1 year.

I will allow him to explain these requests in further detail in his journal.

God has already been working through the first couple of days, so follow this blog to share in the awesome experience to come.

Joey