Have you ever started something that you knew would be difficult, but you thought you could handle, only to realize that you can't?
As I read back through some of the recent posts on this blog, I realize that I'm losing this one. I thought I would be facing silence, loneliness, name-calling, mocking etc. I even knew my brothers and sisters in Christ would be broadcasting their opinions on facebook and anonymous comments instead of addressing me directly. I thought God was going to use this to unify His people, and provide for His Kingdom. I didn't expect threats and late night visitors. I didn't expect to lay here, afraid that these guys know where my family lives. And I wasn't prepared to deal with that.
Unfortunately, I allowed those things to make me focus on just getting out of this circle. For the past several days, I just have wanted to get home to take care of my family, and make sure they are safe. Because of that, for the past several days I've spent my time asking you to show up so I can leave. I'm sorry. I lost that battle.
But we won't lose the war.
If God leads you here, I'd love to see you. If not, I'll be here. Either way, I won't be using this blog to ask you to come anymore. You know what I'm praying for. This circle has been unbelievably polarizing. People seem to love it or hate it :) And that means sometimes they hate me. I have asked God to forgive me for breaking. I have asked Him to give me the courage to continue here. He will, and I'll be fine. I will continue to pray, and read the Word.
Please continue to pray with me. I understand that I have let many of you down. For that I am sorry. I am not strong enough to deal with this stuff, but Jesus is. I took my eyes off of Him and started focusing on my fears.
I love you all. Please forgive me
Josh
